SirianaSims

Midnight Blues

Author’s note: Hello! If you’re reading this, know that you are one of my favourite people and I appreciate you spending your precious time on this planet with me and my stories. Instead of publishing the usual huge chapters, I’m going to try splitting the story into smaller posts, which hopefully makes it easier and more manageable to both read and write. It should also mean that there will be much less waiting between episodes, hopefully. I know some people will appreciate that (you know who you are!)

Thank you all for being on this crazy ride with me, and as always, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, I love hearing from you.

Winter was slowly relaxing its grip on the city. I stared at the grey skies and took a deep breath to steel myself. As always, getting from the hotel to the safety of a taxi was the scary part. Behind me, Paul was putting on his coat.

“Julia? Got everything?”

“Yeah, let’s go. But first…”

I moved in to kiss him and he kissed me back, the kind of kiss that reminded me why I kept doing this, why I put up with the endless hotels and paparazzi and anxiety. His hands were on my waist and I wished we had more time, that we didn’t have to keep saying goodbye every week.

He started pulling away but I wasn’t done, I would never be done with him, and I couldn’t help but make a small frustrated sound that made him smile.

“Wait, Julia, before we leave… You’re so very distracting, I completely forgot to talk to you about my birthday.”

“Your birthday? But that’s in what, two months?”

“I know, but since it’s the big 40, I was thinking about going to Tartosa for a few days, throw a party for the whole family. And I thought it’d be a good time for you to meet everyone. I know it’s a lot of people at once, but they’re going to adore you, I know they will.”

“Ah. Right.” My mouth went dry. Paul reached up and ran his fingers through my hair, looking slightly puzzled.

“Julia? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, it’s just… it’s a big step, meeting your entire family. It feels so… serious.”

He frowned. His eyes, usually warm and inviting, suddenly had a wary edge that made my heart race.

“Yes? I am quite serious about this. About us. I thought I’d made that clear. I love you and I imagine a future with you in it.”

I swallowed hard, feeling the words catch in my throat.

“I love you too, Paul, I really do, but…” My voice trailed off as I searched for the right words. “I’m just not sure if I’m ready for things to get that serious.”

He lifted my chin, his eyes searching mine. “Julia… tell me, what exactly did you expect from this relationship?”

“I… I just wanted to be with you.”

He took a step back and it felt like an invisible wall had suddenly appeared between us.

“But for how long? Why are you still in this relationship if you’re not planning to be in it for the long haul? What are we doing here, Julia?”

Tears stung my eyes as I struggled to respond. I loved him, but the thought of deciding what the rest of my life would look like scared me more than I could express.

“I don’t know, Paul. I want to be with you, but I’m still figuring things out. I’m just… I’m not ready for that kind of commitment yet.”

There was a long, painful silence before Paul spoke again, quietly, his voice tinged with resignation.

“I can’t wait around forever, Julia. I’m sorry, but I need more than this, more than you’re able to give me right now. I think… I think it’s best if we part ways.” 

I felt a wave of despair as the reality of his words sank in, threw my arms around him as if I could physically stop him from leaving me.

“No! No, Paul, wait, please, can’t we just…” I desperately tried to think of something to say, some magic words that would change his mind, but I knew it was useless. The deep sorrow in his voice told me that he’d already made his decision.

Paul held me for a moment, but his body felt different against me now, distant and foreign like he was already a stranger. I breathed in the familiar scent of citrus and olive soap on his skin, clung to him until he gently but firmly removed my arms from around his neck.

“I get it, Julia. You’re right, you deserve space to find yourself without the pressure of my… expectations. You’re still so young, and you have every right to take your time. But I can’t wait in limbo. I have to move on.”

I sobbed into his chest, barely able to form words.

“Paul, don’t leave me. Don’t. Please. I love you.”

His voice was soft when he continued, but the finality in his words echoed in the hollow where my heart used to be.

“I love you too, Julia. So much. But I can’t spend years waiting for someone who has no idea whether they’ll ever want to be with me or not. I want someone who knows.”