Idiot.
The voice in my head is persistent. It’s been over two months but it’s not letting up.
I try to focus on the lines, struggling to keep the faint remnants of my Tartosan accent from creeping into Llama Man’s commanding voice. It’s always more difficult just after I’ve been home.
Idiot.
Images from the last year keep flashing by, little details seared into my brain. Her green eyes. Her smile. The delicate birthmarks artfully strewn across her face. I used to insist on kissing each of them goodbye before I left and it always made her laugh.
It was the best sound in the world.
Idiot.
The more recent images are a different story. Her tears. The look of shock and confusion in her eyes. She didn’t understand, of course, and some days I’m not sure I do either. Am I an idiot for leaving her? Or for letting myself fall in love with her in the first place?
Both?
“Alright, Paul, that was good, but let’s do an extra take just to be sure.”
I nod at the sound technician and start over.
“I’ve sent the files off to Mike. Personally, I don’t think he’ll demand another round, the last two takes were flawless.”
“Thanks. I’m sorry for dragging you in for pick-ups again, I’ve been feeling a bit off lately.”
“Hey, it’s a pay check. And I’m going to need it for the move. We want to get settled into the new house before my son’s wedding so we’re already packing.”
“Did you find a job in Henford yet?”
“Not yet, but my wife got an offer. We’ll make it work. My kid is the only family I have left, so if he moves abroad, we follow. And I never liked staying in one place for too long anyway, I get restless.”
“Well, best of luck over there, Charles. The new sound tech will have some big shoes to fill.”
“Thanks, Paul. It’s been a pleasure working with you.”
Charles leaves, and I turn on the coffee machine.
I’ve just finished pouring two mugs when Lee arrives.
“Oh, you must have read my mind, love, I am positively dying for a coffee right now.”
“When are you not?”
Lee settles onto the sofa with a sigh.
“It’s been one of those weeks, deadlines put such a damper on my creativity. But how was Tartosa? Did you have a nice birthday?”
“It was fine. I didn’t feel like making it a huge thing, but my mother had arranged a family dinner at the vineyard.”
“Ah, just an intimate and completely non-threatening gathering with fifteen to twenty people, then.”
I lean back against the counter and take a long sip of the coffee to avoid responding. It’s still too hot, and I grimace as the liquid burns my mouth. Idiot.
Lee isn’t so easily deterred, though.
“So, that’s it? You’re just never going to see her again?”
“Lee, first of all, she blocked me. On my birthday, no less. So I’m going to take that as a big fat hint and respect her wishes. Second, I broke up with her because it was a dead end. She’s not going to settle down for another decade, and when she does, she’s not going to pick some fifty year old relic.”
Lee raises an eyebrow.
“I beg your pardon?”
“Yeah, I said it. Sorry to break it to you, Lee, but you’re old. Ancient. Practically dust.”
“I’m choosing to ignore your hurtful remarks because you’re clearly heartbroken and out of your mind with grief.”
I snort. “Sorry. I’m fine, really, I’m just annoyed at myself.”
“For irrationally breaking up with the love of your life or for stubbornly refusing to reconsider?”
“For being an idiot in general, I guess. I knew it was a bad idea. I even told her as much the first time I met her. But then I just had to go back and talk to her again like a complete dumbass and she practically invited herself back to my hotel. How could I say no to that?”
Lee chuckles. “Oh, but you couldn’t, of course you couldn’t. I mean, she’s not exactly my type, but I can still appreciate the aesthetics, as it were.”
“Right? And that might even have been fine if it never went any further, but I got carried away and kept seeing her even though everyone could tell it was going to end badly. We’re both better off like this, I’ll get over it.”
Lee just looks at me over the rim of his glasses.
“Are you sure? I may be a dusty old relic but as far as I’m aware, the only way you could possibly know that she blocked you is if you spent your birthday trying to look her up.”
“Thanks, detective. It was a moment of weakness, you don’t need to rub it in my face.”
“I’m not trying to rub anything in your face, love, I know it’s not your thing. But you were clearly serious about her if you were planning to bring her to Tartosa. And just because the poor girl understandably got slightly intimidated, you drop her like a newborn giraffe. Why not give her some more time?”
“I didn’t… Lee, it was the sensible thing to do! I just turned forty, I can’t just spend years waiting for her to make up her mind and hope for the best.”
“I don’t share your fetish for monogamy, but I believe all relationships are like that, you can never be certain. But you’ve always been stubborn so I’ll just give you the usual break-up advice. Get a haircut, hit the gym, put yourself back out there. Will you at least see my stylist?”
“Never. I am not brave enough to let Jessica Clemons near my wardrobe.”
SirianaSims 
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